I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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