Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
