the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
