I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
