A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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