I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
