I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
