SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
