I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
