remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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