Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
