Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
