It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
