I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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