yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
