i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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