Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
