There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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