I'm gonna have a badass scar
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
