Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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