I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
