One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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