they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
