My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
