Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
