then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
