Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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