Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
