id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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