My hair reeks of homosexuality.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
