I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
