I feel great
I just peed on a car
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
