Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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