i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Boobs speak an international language.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's get the cat blown out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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