How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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