you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
