Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
