the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
