i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
