you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
