so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
