lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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