Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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