So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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