I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
