Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
