you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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