It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
