i don't like sucking hair
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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