ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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