They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
