just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
