I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
