Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
