I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
