My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
